In the last several posts, I wrote about some of my bitter feelings and they are regarded by some as complaints. I admit that, yea, they are complaints and, also, I am weak I am coward I am the ultimate negativity of human existence. But there is a dilemma here. When I wrote about my bitter feelings, I did not tell the whole story. Without the whole story, my complaints appears quite shallow and lack weight. I did consider telling my story, and since this story only involves myself and no others, it is quite safe. Later I had a second thought. For those who had no empathy, my story does not make sense; for those who had great empathy, my story is too horrible. It is so horrible that I don’t dare to tell my parents the whole story. If I told them 50%, they would forbid me to go abroad for further study; If I told them 100%, they would immediately take me home. I’m joking…
Most importantly, my story is BORING! I would tell the story if I find a way to wrap it around black humor and irony, so that it would be as fun as Catch-22, so that it is highly enjoyable without diminishing the bitterness. Only then would I tell the story.
Out of fatigue, and other reasons, I found the following a good rule to follow:
“Wouldn’t it be better if I buried my tears in the sand on a seashore in utter solitude? But I never cried, because my tears have always turned into thoughts. And my thoughts are as bitter as tears.”
– E.M.Cioran, On the Heights of Despair
That means, I shall not complain… explicitly. Why should I tell you I have a chronic tension-type headache that is present in my every wakeful moments since 2 and a half year ago and no pain-killers help?? Since I am not able to hold my bitter feelings completely, the subsequent articles (and a lot of previous articles) are likely to be bitter. Even my smile is wry. Again, I will use black humor to alleviate the bitterness.
The publishing period will be shortened to 6 days. Next time we will take a detour and look into Gundam.
I rated 5 for I did get some fun from your “complaint” while not “diminishing any of your bitterness”.
Normally people would not be keen on listening others’ “complaint” even if the vitim involves their own son cos they don’t acknowledge the consequence afterwards.
I try to use a sentence to illustrate your state —”Being alone but find it pleasant” but eventually I think I might as well describe you as SOLITUDE cos that’s the meaning of it.